Best One-Liners heard at a Reading Game

[leon]

Cambridge Utd away - in the main stand next to the home crowd divided by a solid corrugated iron wall thing. From the other side of the divider comes a yokel voice..
"don't you lot ever f*cking shut up?"

[Medusa?]

At Colchester vs QPR (I believe - an early Parky-in-charge game), the refs warm up in front of us.

We sing "Worse than Graham Poll..."

Paul Durkin turns round and just says "I'm not having that"

[The Silk]

vs Stevenage????? in a cup game at elm park and directed at an ageing and thinning Clive Walker who had slid face first into the net ,without the ball i might add, a nearby card shouted "oi Walker thats the smallest f###ing wig i've ever seen"

Had me hooting tho it may have been down to the spead eagles finest beforehand in hindsight

[poohs pure]

has to be:

12 November 2006: FA PREMIER LEAGUE

Tottenham: Keane 24 pen.

Row JJ, seat 160.

On the award of said penalty...

Mentalist stands up and exceeds even HER high standards of bullshit with "that ref is biased, he supports London"

Clearly the most non intentional one liner in the entire history of football. Oh and the most accurately called

You know who you are lady.

[Fubar]

My fave of recent times came against Palace, when Victor Moses was moaning at the Ref.

Bloke behind me: MOSES YOU WA|NKER
Other bloke behind me: Exodus - Chapter 4, verse 6.

This thread is worth it for this line alone...
Brilliant!

[Archies Volley II]

tink wrote

Oldy but a goody "Rufus is a dog's name" to Richard Rufus when he was at charlton i think

Try QPR at Elm Park - evening game. Destroyed by the Southbank.

Could've been that game. It was definitely an EP moment. Which seems like an awful long time ago!

Believe it was both - to Richard Rufus of Charlton and first a few weeks earlier (I think/hope I have this right!) Rufus Brevett of QPR.

I also seem to remember QPR scored a late equaliser or winner and Brevett celebrated David May style by jumping on top of the rest of the QPR players (who had actually contributed to the goal) and giving the southbank a whole load back

[TBM]

Who is TBBM?

Me with a stutter

[Ups and Downs]

I was sat behind a rambuncious old lady a couple of years back at a game in which David Unsworth was on the opposing team (i guess it must have been Sheff Utd). Her seat was practically pitchside and Unsworth came over for a throw. She had clapped and made the odd noise throughout the game but something about Unsworth must have really bothered her because she managed to haul herself from the seat before screaming at hi when he was no more than 12 ft away

"UNSWORTH!!! YOU F*CKING FOSSIL!!!"

before quietly sitting back in her seat whilst everyone around creased up with laughter as poor Unsworth tried to comprehend the bizarreness of the insult.

[parky]

Who is TBBM?

Me with a stutter

[Beef]

A few years back, sat in front of me was a Dad with two youngsters, boy and girl, probably aged about 6 or 7. Crowd is singing "Fcuk off Mark McGhee" to the tune of Daydream Believer. Little boy turns to Dad and says, "Daddy, who's Mark McGhee?" Little girl jumps in very confidently: " He's a cnut, isn't he Daddy?" The poor Dad had a look on his face that was a mixture of pride, and horror.

[Hugo Boss]

Actually LOL'd at that!!

[Thames]

Had an absolute mong sat behind me VS Donny @ Home this season who just spoke (very loudly) about his extreme drug use all game.

Man...I snorted so much Coke last week it felt like I was back on Crystal Meth. I used to do so much of that stuff.

Gets to 80 minutes in a very boring game

I need some speed to liven this stuff up maaaan

As he's walking out the ground

I'm gonna have a massive joint tonight

[tee peg]

A few years back, sat in front of me was a Dad with two youngsters, boy and girl, probably aged about 6 or 7. Crowd is singing "Fcuk off Mark McGhee" to the tune of Daydream Believer. Little boy turns to Dad and says, "Daddy, who's Mark McGhee?" Little girl jumps in very confidently: " He's a cnut, isn't he Daddy?" The poor Dad had a look on his face that was a mixture of pride, and horror.

This is the winner by a mile

[Hugo Boss]

Had an absolute mong sat behind me VS Donny @ Home this season who just spoke (very loudly) about his extreme drug use all game.

Man...I snorted so much Coke last week it felt like I was back on Crystal Meth. I used to do so much of that stuff.

Gets to 80 minutes in a very boring game

I need some speed to liven this stuff up maaaan

As he's walking out the ground

I'm gonna have a massive joint tonight

Were you sat in front of Brendy m8?? Other than the mong bit of course.

[North Eaat royal]

At Colchester vs QPR (I believe - an early Parky-in-charge game), the refs warm up in front of us.

We sing "Worse than Graham Poll..."

Paul Durkin turns round and just says "I'm not having that"

I remember reading fans singing that to the ref at arsenal in the first PL season and the ref turned round smiled and shook his head.

[Dick Habbin's hairdo]

A few years back, sat in front of me was a Dad with two youngsters, boy and girl, probably aged about 6 or 7. Crowd is singing "Fcuk off Mark McGhee" to the tune of Daydream Believer. Little boy turns to Dad and says, "Daddy, who's Mark McGhee?" Little girl jumps in very confidently: " He's a cnut, isn't he Daddy?" The poor Dad had a look on his face that was a mixture of pride, and horror.

^^^ This. PMSL. I await the day when my spawn utter words of such acute observation.

[Agent Balti]

A couple I remember
Another game, at the Mad, cant remember who against, but someone shouted to the aged Ray Houghton, "Use Your Pace Ray"

That was meeee!!! Tongue firmly in cheek, au naturelle.

Other genius put downs of note that I recall...

To Dave Kitson when at Cambridge "You're a lanky ginger pcunt!"...and then we signed him.

At Swansea when we tonked them 6-1. "We've got a Taffy in our end..." That was me. Singing about me, not me singing it on my own, that would be weird.

One which I truly cringe at every time I think of it is when I brought a mate to EP a few times. Now he wasn't really into football, so didn't quite get the chants and that. But we we're woefully shit at the time, probably under Branfoot, when he came out with the immortal line "Get the ball forward more!" I could have died on the spot.

But I guess my all time favourite was at EP, Sunderland were the opposition and they were getting dogs abuse all game. One particular blonde 'lady' didn't respond to the erstwhile cry of "Get your tits out for the lads"...so the South Bank turned on her with pure unadulterated vitriol. "YOU'VE GOT A PCUNT LIKE A BUCKET, PCUNT LIKE A BUUUCKET..." etc.

She was mortified, whilst her 'man' tried to be a one man army against us all who were by this time wetting ourselves (probably quite literally with the stench of some of the old boys in the South Bank!)

[Row Z Royal]

A few years back, sat in front of me was a Dad with two youngsters, boy and girl, probably aged about 6 or 7. Crowd is singing "Fcuk off Mark McGhee" to the tune of Daydream Believer. Little boy turns to Dad and says, "Daddy, who's Mark McGhee?" Little girl jumps in very confidently: " He's a cnut, isn't he Daddy?" The poor Dad had a look on his face that was a mixture of pride, and horror.

This is the winner by a mile

That boy, for the record, is Reading's No.1 Fan.


The first time he stood up and shouted "Oi Reading, that was shit" was...well, the look on Mum & Dad's face was ber-illiant.

[Far Canal]

But I guess my all time favourite was at EP, Sunderland were the opposition and they were getting dogs abuse all game. One particular blonde 'lady' didn't respond to the erstwhile cry of "Get your tits out for the lads"...so the South Bank turned on her with pure unadulterated vitriol. "YOU'VE GOT A PCUNT LIKE A BUCKET, PCUNT LIKE A BUUUCKET..." etc.

She was mortified, whilst her 'man' tried to be a one man army against us all who were by this time wetting ourselves (probably quite literally with the stench of some of the old boys in the South Bank!)

Her "man" was then met with the chant.........."and you've got to oxf*rd it!"

[Percy's Rocket]

Good one from tonight's game..all the more impressive as it was a young lad who should not have developed such wit yet. HRK pushed over Andy Carroll to help out Berti and the lad shouts "He fell over his tag, ref !"..made me chuckle.