Floyd's football rule book

[floyd__streete]

I'd like to see a str8 red card and three match ban for:

(a) Players running to celebr8 in front of opposition supporters without provocation. It is just plain ignorance and arrogance. You get people like that f*cking twat Adebayor tapping home from a goalkeeping error and saluting the home fans who have shelled out plenty of cash for the privilege of paying your peers wages, you ignorant f*ck show some c*nting respect.

(b) Players pointing to the heavens and/or removing their shirt to show a religious message of some sort. As a staunch atheist don't dare shove your devils and angels science fantasy in my face.

I admit that (a) would be difficult to administer but f*ck it, lets do it anyway. For avoidance of doubt, the likes of Andy Johnson coming over and cupping his ears to Reading fans who have been b8ing him all game is perfectly allowed.

These rule changes are completely justified so lets just basically have me running the game/country/world.

[11.30 from paddington]

I take your point that Adebayor was giving it the large one, but players winding up fans and, even better, fans winding up players (no racisto, no homophobo etc) is pretty funny and one of the joys of watching football.

I agree with B though. As well as checking for jewellery it should be the job of the officials to check players vests before a game to ensure there are no crappy messages. Yeah we get it. You South Americans love Jesus.

I'd also add straight red cards for planned celebrations, stupid dances (Sturridge - I'm looking at you), baby-rocking (who cares if you knocked up some bint in Chinawhites about 9mths ago, that you now have to pay child support to) and people performing a 'trademark' celebration - Bale and Robbie Keane. Nothing wrong with a Shearer though.

Players junmping in the crowd to celebrate with their own supporters is fine and will no longer be a bookable offence.

Also, players bringing their kids onto the pitch straight after a game to celebrate an important victory will have social services take their offspring into care. I don't mind families joining the players at official trophy presentations, but no more of the Dennis Wise shenanigans.

[Brum Royal]

Deliber8 shepherding of the ball out of play by a defender for a goal kick, whilst actually making no attempt to play the ball and just getting in to a wrestling match with the forward to be a yellow card and freekick.

Continued arguing with the referee after a decision has been awarded to be penalised with a 10 yard advancement of the free kick.

Swearing at the referee to be a red card offence.

[Deadlock]

Swearing at the referee to be a red card offence.

I was under the impression it already was.

[Brum Royal]

Swearing at the referee to be a red card offence.

I was under the impression it already was.

Booking really though isn't it? But very rarely enforced, I much rather see harsher penalties to try and cut it out. Surrounding/intimid8ing the ref to be equally severely punished too.

[6ft Kerplunk]

I take your point that Adebayor was giving it the large one, but players winding up fans and, even better, fans winding up players (no racisto, no homophobo etc) is pretty funny and one of the joys of watching football.

+1. Any fan who has spent the match hurling abuse at the opposition players shouldn't get offended when a player gives a bit back. Fans complaining should be given 3 match bans.
"boohoo boohoo boohoo. I called Rooney a granny fvcking, shrek headed, fat pcunt for an hour and then he scored and celebrated in front of me. He's a bad man and should be sent off. boohoo boohoo boohoo." Fvck right off.

[No Fixed Abode]

Ban printed t-shirts under football shirts.

Saw a player the other day with 'John 3:12' and of course there was Balotelli with 'Why always me?'

[No Fixed Abode]

Only allow black football boots

[Brum Royal]

Only allow black football boots

+1

[6ft Kerplunk]

+2. Any team with more than two players non-black boots start the match 3-0 down.

[Big Foot]

I've not seen Adebayor's celebration from last night but surely there's a difference between him doing what's now his customary celebration; and a gobshite like Gabby Agbonlahor who will run past a home end with his ear cupped just for the sake of it?

[Royalclapper]

1. Ban any supporters (usually followers of Chelsea, Man Utd, Liverpool etc) who insist on filming players who've just scored on their mobiles instead of actually celebrating the goal themselves by jumping about.

2. Give players yellow cards for persistent spitting.

3. Reviews of incidents e.g. Carroll and Flores should consider the whole incident and dish out punishments for those trying to get other players sent off.

[Tony Le Mesmer]

Players clapping a linesman's decision - 3 match ban.

fans who clap a defender who simply lets the ball run out for a goal kick - stadium ban.

+1 to the black boots.

[Pepe the Horseman]

fans who clap a defender who simply lets the ball run out for a goal kick - stadium ban.

Lol, think Jordan Obita got a standing ovation for doing that against Blackpool

[Ark Royal]

The unarmed combat at corners and free kicks really needs to be stamped out. I was delighted to see Howard Webb award Chelski a penalty against Newcastle for a blatant wrestle on Eto'o. He awarded us one against Cardiff in the POs in similar circumstances. Shame other refs don't have the bottle to give the same decision.

[tmesis]

Yellow card to any sub who isn't already wearing the correct kit and able to come on as soon as he takes his track suit top off.

[Terminal Boardom]

I take your point that Adebayor was giving it the large one, but players winding up fans and, even better, fans winding up players (no racisto, no homophobo etc) is pretty funny and one of the joys of watching football.

+1. Any fan who has spent the match hurling abuse at the opposition players shouldn't get offended when a player gives a bit back. Fans complaining should be given 3 match bans.
"boohoo boohoo boohoo. I called Rooney a granny fvcking, shrek headed, fat pcunt for an hour and then he scored and celebrated in front of me. He's a bad man and should be sent off. boohoo boohoo boohoo." Fvck right off.

Anyone remember the abuse Jamie Cureton got from the Gasheads? He scored and celebrated right in front of them. Cantona at EP in the 90s got dogs from the SB, scored then stood in front of them. If you can't take it, don't dish it out.

[Terminal Boardom]

Instant life ban from all levels of football for any player kissing the badge on their shirt.

[Royal Ginger]

Yellow cards for players who "accidentally get in the way"/interfere with the ball/are overly slow moving away from a set piece.

[tmesis]

3 match ban for any player who goes down clutching his face.

Nobody, even if genuinely hurt, falls to the ground clutching their face like that.

And obviously, banishment to the Sunday Leagues for a week or two to any ref who actually falls for such theatrics.


A yellow card for anyone who congratulates a teammate for "winning" a penalty.


I would add automatic red or yellow cards for anyone playing under Neil Warnock, but that tends to happen anyway.