by TheMaraudingDog »
16 Sep 2008 15:39
NEWCASTLE UNITED FANS ARE THE CLUB'S BIGGEST PROBLEM
Here is a message for the whining, whingeing, self-pitying, self-indulgent and deluded fans on Tyneside, otherwise known as the Toon Army: Kevin Keegan is not the Messiah; Alan Shearer is not an aspect of the trinity; Mike Ashley is not the Devil; Tony Jimenez is not on the secret payroll of Sunderland; and Dennis Wise is not an evil dwarf.
Newcastle United are not a “massive” club and do not have a divine right to remain in the Premier League; St James' Park is not the world's greatest stadium; and, in case you were wondering, your team will not break into the top four any time soon, with or without Ashley, Keegan, Wise or any of the other men who are heroes, villains and sometimes both in the febrile imaginations of the world's most whimsical supporters.
Oh, and you are not the most loyal, valiant and wonderfully dependable fans on the planet. Check out the attendances when Newcastle were languishing in the second division at the start of the 1990s and you will get the measure of the myth that has clung to the black-and-white-shirted men and women for far too long. That's right, they were often much fewer than 20,000 and with the Gallowgate end partially deserted. Is that what you call loyalty?
The banners castigating Ashley for being a southerner during Saturday's comically self-important protest were the final straw for many of us who have long endured the tedious soap opera on Tyneside. That and the ill-informed, conspiracy-laden and melodramatic messages posted on the dozens of message boards that these fans seem to spend their lives reading.
Where is the gallows humour, the sense of irony, the satirical edge? Where is the old-fashioned self-mockery that characterises most other groups of English football fans when their team are having a bad time of it?
The only way that Newcastle fans are ever going to be truly happy is when they have formed a collective to buy the club and have made a pig's ear, as they inevitably would, of a kind that would make Freddy Shepherd's last remaining strands stand on end. When they have rehired Keegan to manage the team, Shearer to be his assistant and the ghost of Jackie Milburn to do the scouting. When they have got control of the club and discovered that their own volatility makes it practically ungovernable.
Sure, passion and commitment are great things and we all know that in a big city with only one football club, there is bound to be a siege mentality and more than a little self-absorption. But many Newcastle fans have turned navel-gazing into an art form. They need to get out more and discover that their beloved club, who have not won a trophy for decades, are virtually unknown beyond these shores. They need a little perspective, not least in terms that passion does not equate to knowledge, nor does enthusiasm equate to expertise on how to run a football club.
This is a group of fans who agitated for the sacking of Sam Allardyce after only six months because the football was not pretty enough, even though he had put in place a much-needed science support structure and cleared out the dead wood from the Shepherd era. These are fans who want nothing to do with Ashley because he is from “down South” and because he insisted on a continental scouting system to support a manger who, by his own admission, had not attended a live match for three years and so was the last person who could have done the scouting job.
Sure, mistakes were made by Ashley, not least in the appointment of Keegan - something that was bound to end in tears - and in spheres of responsibility not being properly spelt out to the main protagonists. But let's get real. The fundamental problem with Newcastle is no longer the corporate management, but those who used to be described as the club's greatest assets: the fans - or at least those who are making all the noise at present.