Reading are crap

[floyd__streete]

It is a truly warped mind which can't rest after a defeat in the Carling Cup, but after an abortive attempt at sleep I find myself turning Ben Hamer's goalkeeping over in my head as well as apparently more pressing concerns about needing a new boiler and pending appraisals with my team at work ("you've put here 'strengths - accounting'. That's your job though, isn't it?").

Quite why I thought that watching Reading play would improve another dire day spent at work after battling across Berkshire on First Great Western's tardy and expensive service, dodging lycra-clad oxf*rd with fold up bicycles in the vestibules is beyond me. At least at Reading I can tell everyone in no uncertain terms what I think of their wretched performance as opposed to work where I spend the best part of 8 hours a day keeping my tongue. And now the more I think about it, the more things trouble me, for instance:


- Why did I spend £350-odd on a season ticket to commit to watching Alex Pearce slice desperate clearances at 45 degree angles to his kicking foot and Jem Karacan donate the football to the opposition as if they were collecting sports equipment for flood-ravaged Pakistan? It's not as if I didn't already know back in the summer that these two - and a good many others on our books - are pretty absymal at football. It should be about £4 to get in to watch a football match really, tops. I blame Liverpool fans and Northern Rock.

- Why do we have a failed ex-Slough and Woking manager in charge? Don't get me wrong, I like Brian. He's quite clearly a thoroughly bloody nice bloke which is at least an improvement on his predecessor.

- Why is our best player Icelandic? Iceland is to football what, erm, Bejam is to Cricket.

- Why is my own personal favourite player - also Icelandic - a 34-year old who is slower than a mini-bus full of Chelsea fans with a flat tyre? Are we otherwise so devoid of quality and excitement that watching a man apparently made from granite smash foolhardily into the opposition is the most entertaining thing on offer?

- Why do I hate Adam Federici? Is it because he is seemingly the only Australian who is crap at sport? Or because every post-match mistake-denying interview is delivered in that chirpy accent after he has spaffed a couple of low, near-post dollies under his fat belly?

- When will Brian Howard ever make a tackle? He likes a physical challenge about as much as Walter the Softy does.

- Why is it a £3.50 return fare from Reading station to go and watch this sh*t? What am I getting for my money, a film showing en route? You f*cking crooks.

- Why (when we have the spackiest, most simperingly middle-class fan base in the land) do we have probably the jobsworthiest stewards in the entire country, who themselves are dictated to by an ex-fireman with a speech impediment? And why don't the stewards make themselves a little more jobsworthy outside the ground rather than erecting a safety fence to keep 250 gibbering Scunthorpe fans at bay and sending the home supporters off to walk all the way round the ground to get to their cars parked at a bargain £7 in Worton Grange.

- Why is it only at football that £7 for 2 hours parking is deemed an acceptable price? At least Dick Turpin wore a mask.

- Why do I have to mind my p's and q's at football anyway? F*ck me, there are 8,000 empty seats most weeks; can't we sit all the kids in families in some sort of enclave with a sound-proof safety fence? At football, people shouldn't be thrown out for swearing, they should be ejected for doing the EA-SAY clap or for wearing face-paint or a jester's hat; these things are far more offensive.

- Why does modern football disenfranchise me so? Preening Premier League fancy-dans getting paid far too much and taking themselves too seriously. Sadly, in the Championship we seem to see the second-tier of this kind of c*nt which in a way is worse. SKY Sports News in HD bringing you the news that Barnsley have banned Vuvuzelas for next season. I hope all 92 league clubs go bankrupt, yes including Reading. It's all your fault, Jimmy Hill.

- Why, after 30 years trying, haven't I been able to find a more fulfilling hobby than watching a crap football team on a far too regular basis? Yes, there is another choice of hobby of course, but much more of that kind of thing and it'll fall off in my hand.


Oh well, at least this has stopped me thinking about the boiler for 5 minutes. And I suppose the biggest WHY here is WHY did I bother writing all this when I hold at least 90% in massive contempt anyhow.

[10539.4 Miles Away]

*Applause*

That is a textbook piece of ranting. Floyd, you've made my day, thank you.

Although I hope you have saved one last bit of vitriol for the quality and price of beer at the game, it seems to slipped your notice.

[AlexY25]

That entertained me more than any Reading game has this season.

[Ark Royal]

POTC

Post Of The Century. Well played sir.

[Ryn]

Floyd

I like you.

[RobRoyale]

Cracking post. Nicely encompasses everything wrong with supporting RFC.

[URZZ]

I have a feeling this thread will be staying around for a long time.

Can't disagree with a word.

[seahawk10]

It is a truly warped mind which can't rest after a defeat in the Carling Cup, but after an abortive attempt at sleep I find myself turning Ben Hamer's goalkeeping over in my head as well as apparently more pressing concerns about needing a new boiler and pending appraisals with my team at work ("you've put here 'strengths - accounting'. That's your job though, isn't it?").

Quite why I thought that watching Reading play would improve another dire day spent at work after battling across Berkshire on First Great Western's tardy and expensive service, dodging lycra-clad oxf*rd with fold up bicycles in the vestibules is beyond me. At least at Reading I can tell everyone in no uncertain terms what I think of their wretched performance as opposed to work where I spend the best part of 8 hours a day keeping my tongue. And now the more I think about it, the more things trouble me, for instance:


- Why did I spend £350-odd on a season ticket to commit to watching Alex Pearce slice desperate clearances at 45 degree angles to his kicking foot and Jem Karacan donate the football to the opposition as if they were collecting sports equipment for flood-ravaged Pakistan? It's not as if I didn't already know back in the summer that these two - and a good many others on our books - are pretty absymal at football. It should be about £4 to get in to watch a football match really, tops. I blame Liverpool fans and Northern Rock.

- Why do we have a failed ex-Slough and Woking manager in charge? Don't get me wrong, I like Brian. He's quite clearly a thoroughly bloody nice bloke which is at least an improvement on his predecessor.

- Why is our best player Icelandic? Iceland is to football what, erm, Bejam is to Cricket.

- Why is my own personal favourite player - also Icelandic - a 34-year old who is slower than a mini-bus full of Chelsea fans with a flat tyre? Are we otherwise so devoid of quality and excitement that watching a man apparently made from granite smash foolhardily into the opposition is the most entertaining thing on offer?

- Why do I hate Adam Federici? Is it because he is seemingly the only Australian who is crap at sport? Or because every post-match mistake-denying interview is delivered in that chirpy accent after he has spaffed a couple of low, near-post dollies under his fat belly?

- When will Brian Howard ever make a tackle? He likes a physical challenge about as much as Walter the Softy does.

- Why is it a £3.50 return fare from Reading station to go and watch this sh*t? What am I getting for my money, a film showing en route? You f*cking crooks.

- Why (when we have the spackiest, most simperingly middle-class fan base in the land) do we have probably the jobsworthiest stewards in the entire country, who themselves are dictated to by an ex-fireman with a speech impediment? And why don't the stewards make themselves a little more jobsworthy outside the ground rather than erecting a safety fence to keep 250 gibbering Scunthorpe fans at bay and sending the home supporters off to walk all the way round the ground to get to their cars parked at a bargain £7 in Worton Grange.

- Why is it only at football that £7 for 2 hours parking is deemed an acceptable price? At least Dick Turpin wore a mask.

- Why do I have to mind my p's and q's at football anyway? F*ck me, there are 8,000 empty seats most weeks; can't we sit all the kids in families in some sort of enclave with a sound-proof safety fence? At football, people shouldn't be thrown out for swearing, they should be ejected for doing the EA-SAY clap or for wearing face-paint or a jester's hat; these things are far more offensive.

- Why does modern football disenfranchise me so? Preening Premier League fancy-dans getting paid far too much and taking themselves too seriously. Sadly, in the Championship we seem to see the second-tier of this kind of c*nt which in a way is worse. SKY Sports News in HD bringing you the news that Barnsley have banned Vuvuzelas for next season. I hope all 92 league clubs go bankrupt, yes including Reading. It's all your fault, Jimmy Hill.

- Why, after 30 years trying, haven't I been able to find a more fulfilling hobby than watching a crap football team on a far too regular basis? Yes, there is another choice of hobby of course, but much more of that kind of thing and it'll fall off in my hand.


Oh well, at least this has stopped me thinking about the boiler for 5 minutes. And I suppose the biggest WHY here is WHY did I bother writing all this when I hold at least 90% in massive contempt anyhow.

Post of the mother oxf*rd year! And I only understood half the references. Off to order my Bejam cricket kit online. Cheerio!

[seahawk10]

Let me add this while I am at it:

[Maguire]

It is a truly warped mind which can't rest after a defeat in the Carling Cup, but after an abortive attempt at sleep I find myself turning Ben Hamer's goalkeeping over in my head as well as apparently more pressing concerns about needing a new boiler and pending appraisals with my team at work ("you've put here 'strengths - accounting'. That's your job though, isn't it?").

Quite why I thought that watching Reading play would improve another dire day spent at work after battling across Berkshire on First Great Western's tardy and expensive service, dodging lycra-clad oxf*rd with fold up bicycles in the vestibules is beyond me. At least at Reading I can tell everyone in no uncertain terms what I think of their wretched performance as opposed to work where I spend the best part of 8 hours a day keeping my tongue. And now the more I think about it, the more things trouble me, for instance:


- Why did I spend £350-odd on a season ticket to commit to watching Alex Pearce slice desperate clearances at 45 degree angles to his kicking foot and Jem Karacan donate the football to the opposition as if they were collecting sports equipment for flood-ravaged Pakistan? It's not as if I didn't already know back in the summer that these two - and a good many others on our books - are pretty absymal at football. It should be about £4 to get in to watch a football match really, tops. I blame Liverpool fans and Northern Rock.

- Why do we have a failed ex-Slough and Woking manager in charge? Don't get me wrong, I like Brian. He's quite clearly a thoroughly bloody nice bloke which is at least an improvement on his predecessor.

- Why is our best player Icelandic? Iceland is to football what, erm, Bejam is to Cricket.

- Why is my own personal favourite player - also Icelandic - a 34-year old who is slower than a mini-bus full of Chelsea fans with a flat tyre? Are we otherwise so devoid of quality and excitement that watching a man apparently made from granite smash foolhardily into the opposition is the most entertaining thing on offer?

- Why do I hate Adam Federici? Is it because he is seemingly the only Australian who is crap at sport? Or because every post-match mistake-denying interview is delivered in that chirpy accent after he has spaffed a couple of low, near-post dollies under his fat belly?

- When will Brian Howard ever make a tackle? He likes a physical challenge about as much as Walter the Softy does.

- Why is it a £3.50 return fare from Reading station to go and watch this sh*t? What am I getting for my money, a film showing en route? You f*cking crooks.

- Why (when we have the spackiest, most simperingly middle-class fan base in the land) do we have probably the jobsworthiest stewards in the entire country, who themselves are dictated to by an ex-fireman with a speech impediment? And why don't the stewards make themselves a little more jobsworthy outside the ground rather than erecting a safety fence to keep 250 gibbering Scunthorpe fans at bay and sending the home supporters off to walk all the way round the ground to get to their cars parked at a bargain £7 in Worton Grange.

- Why is it only at football that £7 for 2 hours parking is deemed an acceptable price? At least Dick Turpin wore a mask.

- Why do I have to mind my p's and q's at football anyway? F*ck me, there are 8,000 empty seats most weeks; can't we sit all the kids in families in some sort of enclave with a sound-proof safety fence? At football, people shouldn't be thrown out for swearing, they should be ejected for doing the EA-SAY clap or for wearing face-paint or a jester's hat; these things are far more offensive.

- Why does modern football disenfranchise me so? Preening Premier League fancy-dans getting paid far too much and taking themselves too seriously. Sadly, in the Championship we seem to see the second-tier of this kind of c*nt which in a way is worse. SKY Sports News in HD bringing you the news that Barnsley have banned Vuvuzelas for next season. I hope all 92 league clubs go bankrupt, yes including Reading. It's all your fault, Jimmy Hill.

- Why, after 30 years trying, haven't I been able to find a more fulfilling hobby than watching a crap football team on a far too regular basis? Yes, there is another choice of hobby of course, but much more of that kind of thing and it'll fall off in my hand.


Oh well, at least this has stopped me thinking about the boiler for 5 minutes. And I suppose the biggest WHY here is WHY did I bother writing all this when I hold at least 90% in massive contempt anyhow.

The only LOL bigger than this is the LOL I'm currently having at you for going to watch Reading v Northampton Town.

When will you people ever learn?

[FiNeRaIn]

Floyd at his finest. Brilliant.

[Dick Habbin's hairdo]

Floyd, this is, quite simply the best ever contribution to this forum. Sadly, it will be lost on 95 per cent of the spackers on here.

It is a truly warped mind which can't rest after a defeat in the Carling Cup, but after an abortive attempt at sleep I find myself turning Ben Hamer's goalkeeping over in my head as well as apparently more pressing concerns about needing a new boiler and pending appraisals with my team at work ("you've put here 'strengths - accounting'. That's your job though, isn't it?").

Quite why I thought that watching Reading play would improve another dire day spent at work after battling across Berkshire on First Great Western's tardy and expensive service, dodging lycra-clad oxf*rd with fold up bicycles in the vestibules is beyond me. At least at Reading I can tell everyone in no uncertain terms what I think of their wretched performance as opposed to work where I spend the best part of 8 hours a day keeping my tongue. And now the more I think about it, the more things trouble me, for instance:


- Why did I spend £350-odd on a season ticket to commit to watching Alex Pearce slice desperate clearances at 45 degree angles to his kicking foot and Jem Karacan donate the football to the opposition as if they were collecting sports equipment for flood-ravaged Pakistan? It's not as if I didn't already know back in the summer that these two - and a good many others on our books - are pretty absymal at football. It should be about £4 to get in to watch a football match really, tops. I blame Liverpool fans and Northern Rock.

- Why do we have a failed ex-Slough and Woking manager in charge? Don't get me wrong, I like Brian. He's quite clearly a thoroughly bloody nice bloke which is at least an improvement on his predecessor.

- Why is our best player Icelandic? Iceland is to football what, erm, Bejam is to Cricket.

- Why is my own personal favourite player - also Icelandic - a 34-year old who is slower than a mini-bus full of Chelsea fans with a flat tyre? Are we otherwise so devoid of quality and excitement that watching a man apparently made from granite smash foolhardily into the opposition is the most entertaining thing on offer?

- Why do I hate Adam Federici? Is it because he is seemingly the only Australian who is crap at sport? Or because every post-match mistake-denying interview is delivered in that chirpy accent after he has spaffed a couple of low, near-post dollies under his fat belly?

- When will Brian Howard ever make a tackle? He likes a physical challenge about as much as Walter the Softy does.

- Why is it a £3.50 return fare from Reading station to go and watch this sh*t? What am I getting for my money, a film showing en route? You f*cking crooks.

- Why (when we have the spackiest, most simperingly middle-class fan base in the land) do we have probably the jobsworthiest stewards in the entire country, who themselves are dictated to by an ex-fireman with a speech impediment? And why don't the stewards make themselves a little more jobsworthy outside the ground rather than erecting a safety fence to keep 250 gibbering Scunthorpe fans at bay and sending the home supporters off to walk all the way round the ground to get to their cars parked at a bargain £7 in Worton Grange.

- Why is it only at football that £7 for 2 hours parking is deemed an acceptable price? At least Dick Turpin wore a mask.

- Why do I have to mind my p's and q's at football anyway? F*ck me, there are 8,000 empty seats most weeks; can't we sit all the kids in families in some sort of enclave with a sound-proof safety fence? At football, people shouldn't be thrown out for swearing, they should be ejected for doing the EA-SAY clap or for wearing face-paint or a jester's hat; these things are far more offensive.

- Why does modern football disenfranchise me so? Preening Premier League fancy-dans getting paid far too much and taking themselves too seriously. Sadly, in the Championship we seem to see the second-tier of this kind of c*nt which in a way is worse. SKY Sports News in HD bringing you the news that Barnsley have banned Vuvuzelas for next season. I hope all 92 league clubs go bankrupt, yes including Reading. It's all your fault, Jimmy Hill.

- Why, after 30 years trying, haven't I been able to find a more fulfilling hobby than watching a crap football team on a far too regular basis? Yes, there is another choice of hobby of course, but much more of that kind of thing and it'll fall off in my hand.


Oh well, at least this has stopped me thinking about the boiler for 5 minutes. And I suppose the biggest WHY here is WHY did I bother writing all this when I hold at least 90% in massive contempt anyhow.

[10539.4 Miles Away]

Incidentally, I also agree with the entire post - hope you've woken up feeling slightly happier for getting it off your chest!

[loyalroyal4life]

That entertained me more than any Reading game has this season.

Did you not go last night

Great post Flyod, 1 i would love Mr Mad to see

[Barry the bird boggler]

Print it off and send it direct by courier to Madejski Towers - perhaps you should also sneak it into the manager's hand at the AGM on Thursday.

[Ian Herring]

Beautifully put, Floyd.

This and more is precisely why I no longer watch Reading. Nearly thirty years of season ticket attendance and away games, and for all the reasons you've stated and many more, I couldn't give a flying f*ck if I never see another 'professional' football match again.

Every time I'm drawn back for any reason, I feel almost sick. However, the game now has the fans it deserves. A set of true idiots whose idolisation of 'players' as they watch them flounce around in silk or get on and off air-conditioned coaches wearing earphones while sulking borders on cretinism.

I can just about stomach an away game watching Reading now, preferably in London, so you can disappear and do something else completely removed from football or even pretend you hadn't gone to the game at all, or somewhere distant and shabby in the North, so that one sense of abject misery might outdo the other. Either occasion doused in alcohol so not much of it all filters in.

Each time I remember the days of my football youth it seems that the game was at the very least reflective of a more mature society and life. Players were men, and looked like men. Now they are either metrosexual or so far up their arses and financially cushioned and protected you'd think they were mincing Berlin pouves. Fans were ribald, great fun and were held in some regard, if not respect. Now it's a crock of manufactured and over-priced sh*t.

The dearth of talent on the pitch is in direct comparison to the steroid world of money perpetuated by the behemoths of 'entertainment' such as Sky and is only a step away from the same gibbering mentality of sh*t like the X-Factor, a true emblem of how infantilised and f*cking weak-minded the general populace of this blighted country has become.

The money men know this and love the 'new audience' with its desire for enforced drama, play-offs, phone-ins, and laugh at all those that still fork out the best part or more of thirty quid to get into a plastic, homogenous sh*t-house of a stadium that was always previously called a ground, knowing what simple-minded, consumer fodder they are. The fact that these idiots compound that with paying the rest of the exorbitant rip-off that goes with it either confirms they are truly thick, or like the preening faggots who ply their trade as footballers these days, they've just got too much money.

The same goes for Sky, who have single-handedly ruined the game in this country with money. Their executives will, I am pretty certain, rub their hands and laugh at the thick wad of proles who sign up to their 'services' gated on to the back of the lure of watching 'footy' from your armchair listening to barely literate mongols try to string sentences together about 'games' taking place in places that now resemble outdoor equivalents of 'Gladiators', whose sponge-handed audience used to have an average age of five, which is about the average mental age of the modern day football fan. Going to the Madejski resembles an open-day at Fairmile.

I look at players now and know that a lot of them remind me of the wannabe rock stars in John Niven's wonderful book about the music industry 'Kill Your Friends'. If some of today's pampered footballing nonces weren't earning sums of money that make them supremely rich in obscenely short spaces of time they'd be back on the estates breaking into cars or selling crack or running in gangs.

Everything about modern football is wrong. Everything. Not just a little bit. I don't buy the 'benefits for the younger fan or family' bit. What was once a passionate and brilliant sport played out in thrilling, slightly dangerous arenas is now an 'experience' leached of meaning of any kind at all. It's absolute, utter garbage and I do not miss it one iota at all.

I used to love my club and I used to love the 'sport' of football. But it truly does not exist, just as the rest don't any more. They sold themselves, whored themselves out and became what whores are, badly dressed, far too expensive for what they are, soul-less plastic voids to spunk your money on.

The people who run football now have no perception or conception of what once made the sport as a professional spectacle great. None. And they never will have. It is f*cked, forever, and always will be.

Stick your jester hat up your rectum, football, is what I say.

Anyway Floyd, you are right on every count. Post of the millennium (cue Gladiators post-goal music and rhythmic stands-based dancing by sixteen thousand spastics). I'm glad a night's sleep didn't soften your ire.

[Handsome Man]

Great post.

It's wrong though. We've got Jimmy Kebe and have had solid entertainment for about the last ten years. Our fans may be a bit shit, but have you neve spent time in the company of northerners?

[Barry the bird boggler]

Too true! Said it before and said it again, the sooner the true fans backlash against the crap that is SKY the better. When their income from their tedious sports channels (e.g. SSN, 24 hours of non stop drivel repeating over and over and over the "latest" stories you really couldn't give a gnat's toss about) starts dwindling then they may decide to reduce the idiot sums they put into the game and we may all get some proper football back - and "big" clubs will start going bang.....

[westongeezer]

How well put it has articulated my own personal feelings so well, this also justifies why i wont be going to any games this season, why should i invest the the club when the club wont invest in the club.



Reading fc is in self destruct mode

[paultheroyal]

Worst.over.reaction.thread.ever.