Alternative Reading

The Whiff's Application for the manager's job - September 1999

The Whiff
PO BOX 2607
Reading
RG1 8XU

Dear Mr Madejski,

We, the Editors of Reading Football Club's premier Fanzine, would like to be considered for the recently vacated post of team manager. Whilst we may not be the obvious choice, so far not even meriting a mention in the Evening Post, we feel that, together, we have all the attributes required for such a demanding position.

Tommy Burns failed because he didn't quite understand the requirements of the English Second Division. The members of the Whiff Editorial team, on the other hand, have spent most of our lives watching Reading play in one of the bottom two divisions, usually with an unedifying lack of success. The spectacle of eleven, six foot four Neanderthals kicking lumps out of our record signing is nothing new to us.

Dedication, of course, is guaranteed. Anyone who's stood in the pelting rain for ninety minutes, watching the Royals lose at home to Hereford in the Leyland Daf Cup or travelled to Holland to watch a few pre-season games against FC Dick Van Dyke or some other unknown Dutch non-league club, is hardly likely to be put off by a couple of poor results and some badly written insults in the local press. We're also not likely to jump ship at the first opportunity and accept a ridiculous amount of money to bail out some failing Premiership nonentity, which we'll surely be offered once the Royals are riding high in the First Division under our stewardship.

So, for experience, enthusiasm and knowledge, you can do no better than the Whiff. You may question our lack of tactical acumen but could we surely be any worse than Jimmy "Do as I say or I'll deck yer" Quinn, Terry "I won't play any players I haven't signed" Bullivant or Tommy "I know the last lot of players I bought were crap but please give me some more money to buy some more crap ones" Burns? Fans' views tend to be derided by those in the game but when you see the mess the "professionals" get into, why not give something else a try?

Oh, one last thing. We're cheap - you can get all four of us for less than one Tommy Burns, Glenn Hoddle or whoever. Dedicated, enthusiastic and cheap, surely an unbeatable package.

Yours Sincerely,

The Editors:

Jeff Kirkpatrick
Pete Cook
Alan Cross
Paul Woodward