Issue 4 - August 1998

Uri Geller -
Psychic visionary or Tosspot?

You know the world's gone mad when someone achieves fame and considerable fortune from the very simple activity of bending a few items of kitchen cutlery. Sonning-based Israeli Uri Geller, despite his increasingly public claims to psychic abilities, is still known throughout most of the moronic world as a man who can bend spoons using just the power of his mind!

Royals' fans, of course, will also know him for his involvement in Reading Football Club. This mainly consisted of a few daft "psychic" experiments with both players and fans, although the surreal TV moment of Eric Cantona's father falling for the old spoon bending trick in the bowels of Elm Park was a gem. Uri may, or may not, have given money to the Royals but his presence seemed to be concerned with publicity rather than anything more tangibly beneficial to the club.

What you may not know, however, is that as far as Uri is concerned, his involvement with Reading was considerably more important. For Uri seems to believe that he was somehow instrumental, not to say fundamental, to the Royals initial success in Division One. Earlier this year he had a little spat with Glenn Hoddle, which resulted in a few mickey-taking columns in the national press. Below is Uri's response to The Observer:

"It must , at least, be questionable to write: '...whose psychic powers have helped the club he supports, Reading' (Sport, last week). The truth is I supported Reading to the hilt, and the team reached the Premier League play-offs at Wembley, only to be denied top-flight status by some very controversial decisions. But that was then.

At the beginning of this season, I was provoked into disagreement with the club and had to walk away. Cue the relegation nosedive. It makes me sad: I did not need my powers vindicated in this way."

(.......The rest of the letter was concerned with England and Glenn Hoddle.)

Uri Geller
Sonning-on-Thams
Berks..

Upon reading this letter for the first time, I was not happy; on the second reading I was bloody furious and finally, simply astonished. Just who the hell does this jumped-up little con-man think he is? Is there any possibility that he actually believes this claptrap? Take a look at the letter again - essentially he is claiming that all the hard work by McGhee (yes, him), Quinn, Gooding and the players was irrelevant. That second place in the division and the appearance at Wembley were all down to one Uri Geller!!

Of course, he conveniently forgets the following two seasons when, with his support, we struggled near the foot of the table - remember his bizarre appearance on the megaphone after the 6-1 thrashing by Palace at Elm Park? According to Uri, the nosedive in form only came after he was "provoked into disagreement with the club and had to walk away", whatever the hell that means.

His letter did not go unchallenged - much to my disgust, however, The Observer did not print my reply; maybe I'm just not famous enough for their exalted Letters Page. Whatever, as co-editor on The Whiff I don't have that problem (unless, of course, I'm over-ruled!), so my response is shown below:

Dear Sir,

Spoons are obviously not the only thing that Uri Geller is good at bending - the truth also seems remarkably malleable in his conjuror's hands. He claims (letters, 19/4) that, with his support, Reading Football Club were only denied a place in the Premiership by dubious refereeing decisions and that, without his support, we have plummeted to the foot of the First Division.

The truth, as is usual when dealing with fraudsters, is somewhat different. Reading failed in the play-offs at Wembley thanks to a missed penalty and injuries to key players. We then spent the next two seasons, with Geller's support, struggling in the First Division finishing in the bottom half on both occasions - scarcely a great advert for his psychic abilities!

Geller gave nothing to the club, tried to claim other's success as his own and we're glad to see the back of him. After all, if you're that good Uri, why didn't you bend that penalty into the net?

Yours Sincerely,

Jeff Kirkpatrick
Co-editor, The Whiff
Reading FC fanzine